Recently, in light of all the current discussions, wizefics posted about her experience with writing a potentially harmful story and the beta who called her on the setting and characters: Thank God for the Brave Betas.

I am really glad she posted this for a lot of reasons. A personal one is that I am the beta referenced and I was really intrigued to see her side of a discussion that took place awhile ago. She didn't name me in the post when she first wrote it, but said that if I gave her permission, she would add my name. Originally I wanted her to leave it anonymous, because I felt like attaching my name to it looked like me wanting kudos for what I'd done, which is not at all the case. However, after an email exchange with her, I decided I wanted to talk (at least briefly) about how it felt from my side of the situation and it made sense to let her put my name in that post if I was going to reference it here.

I actually emailed her because though I remembered our discussions and being the beta for that story, I absolutely did not believe I could be Awesome Beta (as she currently uses to identify me in the post). This is not because I do not think I am awesome, because I am totally awesome, but because the way she presents it is that I did something really special and it absolutely does not feel that way.

Though you can read more in her post, basically wizefics wrote a Supernatural/X-Men crossover based on a prompt that specifically requested it be set in New Orleans before Katrina. She wrote a ghost story that included the Vaudun religion.

From her post:

When I sent it to my beta, she replied in approximately 2.6 seconds and said, "I am uncomfortable with the setting and subject matter in this fic."

I'll confess. It brought me up cold and I went and read what I'd written, wondering if I'd blindly crossed all sorts of lines. I caught a few things; I fixed a few things; but, I also decided to ask Awesome Beta to read a little bit of it and let me know her thoughts.

What that doesn't really capture is how nervous I was about saying anything at all. After all, I had agreed to beta her story (I was highly interested in her writing in general and the awesomeness of Dean Winchester and Remy LeBeau meeting in particular), we were friends(1), and I really admired her as a person and a writer.

Actually, just saying "nervous" doesn't really capture it either. I was actually vaguely nauseous with worry about how she would take it. I've worked with lots of authors (both in fandom and professionally, though the worst responses tended to come from the professional relationship, oddly enough) and I very rarely work with new ones these days because I got tired of being hated every time I critiqued something in a way the author didn't like. Not to mention that I really do respect wizefics and I knew she would do her research and try hard not to be offensive, but I was still worried about the story and uncomfortable with the setting and the subject matter.

Even people with the best of intentions can get things wrong, and I was really worried about a lot of things: that she wouldn't listen to the criticism and someone would be hurt by the story. That our friendship would end. That she'd blow up at me. That she'd secretly seethe. That she would tell me I was being too sensitive. That I was misreading the story. And a billion other things.

All of this worry despite the fact that I knew she was very aware of the potential to fail and had done a lot of research and intended not to cause any harm, because speaking up can be scary and tense and painful. And I speak from a position of white privilege(2). Other positions could make for much more worry in speaking up.

wizefics took my comments very well (at the time, she didn't seem phased at all, simply willing to discuss ways things could be changed or made clearer, though in her post, I see the criticism did hit hard) and we went on to have multiple conversations about how to handle the story.

To bring this back around to the recent discussions, I've seen a lot of people asking how that got past the beta readers. I think that question is quite similar to the question of how the author thought it was a good idea in the first place, and that is because we live in a very racist world, whether or not we intend to be racist ourselves. (I am strongly in the camp that intent doesn't really matter, which I think is obvious. I mean, we should intend not to be racist, but whether we do or not, our actions can hurt people.)

I also think it can get past the betas because people have different ideas about what betas should do (are they only there for grammar? Characterization? Deep editing?) and because betas are frequently friends with the authors and it can be a very scary thing, to tell a friend you think her story is (potentially and/or actually) racist.

That doesn't mean I want to privilege the feelings of betas and authors over those hurt by the stories. It just means that I understand it is a scary thing to speak up, but I absolutely think we have to speak up. I believe the beta is in a position of addressing problems in the story early on and needs to speak up when she sees (potentially and/or actually) problematic areas.

Does that mean I think wizefics and I got it exactly right? No. This is not a how-to guide. It's simply a personal anecdote exploring how an author and a beta felt going through the process.

(1) We weren't as close friends then as we are now. Being close friends actually makes speaking up both easier and harder for me. On the one hand, I trust my close friendships can handle criticism because the friendship is strong, and also I worry less about not being able to find the perfect words to use both because my close friends are used to how I communicate so understand what I'm trying to say even when I use imperfect words and because we can have difficult conversations. On the other hand, the closer the friendship, the more I care about my friends' feelings.

(2) I actually identify as multiracial, but I was adopted into a white family and pass as white. I'm not trying to devalue or whiten multiracial experiences, but my experience is very much white.

Supernatural, "Time is on My Side"

( spoilers )

The season finale isn't up yet, of course, and I'm not sure I'm even looking forward to it. Supernatural continues to frustrate me to no end.

And there are lots of reasons why, which other people are saying so much better than I can right now!

trollprincess has analyzed gendered insults used in the series.

Season One | Season Two | Season Three

Here's the summary.

But basically here's what it looks like:

Season one -- Dean or Sam refer to a woman by a pejorative three times in twenty-two episodes.
Season two -- Dean or Sam refer to a woman by a pejorative three times in twenty-two episodes.
Season three -- Dean or Sam refer to a woman by a pejorative eighteen times in sixteen episodes.

People, there is some serious women-hating going on in Supernatural, and it has gotten so much worse this season. The first two look practically wonderful in comparison. I've always disliked the treatment of women in Supernatural, but it's so bad now it makes me sick.

Yes, I realize often the gendered insults are aimed at demons (and when fans say this, it seems to carry the implication that they deserve it), but that doesn't make a difference to me. What it does, over all, between the language and the way women are so often only allowed to be either victims or villains (and often virgin victims or whore villains), is make me feel like Supernatural doesn't want me. Like I am not welcome as a fan because I am a woman, and I am a woman who dislikes to hear gendered insults.

I don't think fans need to love all the women on the show (though it would be nice if certain vocal subsets of fandom [and not just Supernatural fandom] would deal with their issues with women), but I do think there is a serious problem.

medie has a response post to the numbers I found interesting.

cereta has a response to the responses to the numbers.

marinarusalka looks at the one-shot female characters in Supernatural.

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As for Bones, "The Wannabe in the Weeds" was also frustrating, and lostakasha has a good post on why Fat Pam bothered me so much.