Fandom: Glee 2x15 "Sexy"
Mar. 9th, 2011 07:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
escritoireazulI have already paused the show because I am grimacing SO FREAKING HARD. I am one minute and twenty-two seconds into it. BAD SIGN.
UGH, do you know how much I hate Emma's storyline? A FREAKING LOT. And it has very little to do with how much I think sex is awesome (uh, also A FREAKING LOT and then some) and a lot to do with how much I hate her relationship with Schue and how it feels like the show is "saving her" for him or some shit like that.
(Also, HOT DR UNCLE JESSE IS HOT. HIT THAT LIKE THE FIST OF GOD, WOMAN.)
I do love Holly's bit about knowledge being power, trite as it is. I think abstinence is a fine choice, but I hate the way it is presented as the BE ALL AND END ALL. (I grew up in southern Missouri. I know from small town sex ed. Also what people get up to in high school, though some of that was just my group of friends. Apparently B, a high school friend with whom I've recently reconnected, was shocked to hear about all the drinking and hooking up and swapping partners and shit. I was shocked that she didn't know.)
While I buy Finn's cucumber comment, Mercedes? Really? REALLY? I don't even know what to do with that.
I can't even deal with Emma. I JUST CAN'T. Though this does give me the chance to rant about Holly using "crazy" and how FREAKING PISSED I was when I watched "The Substitute" and she spouted off about bipolar at the end of the episode. I liked you so much, Holly Holiday, but FUCK YOU.
HAHAHA. Oh, man, okay, while I am already wincing at this whole Brittany is pregnant thing, because it is going to be one of those oh, Brittany, so dumb moments (sometimes they get to me, sometimes I find them charming), the Glee gossip chain had me grinning. I love when they're gossiping. (Also, so, are we to believe Brittany and Santana have been getting their sweet lady kisses on this whole time?) (Also, also, did Santana say Sweet Valley High?)
LAUREN&PUCK. She is looking FINE.
Uh, can Santana and Lauren just lean on things together? JESUS, leaning against a piano should not be that HOT! (I swear, I'm not actually drunk. I'm just loud and since I don't know anyone locally who watches, you get my CAPSLOCK. Perhaps I will one day get to watch an episode with Sister K.) And TINA is with them too? HELLO SEXY.
Rachel touching Quinn and Quinn pushing her away. HEE. They're like gamboling puppies together. (I SWEAR, NOT DRUNK.)
OUCH, Holly. That was freaking uncalled for. I guess we have to have both extremes (Emma and Holly, with SCHUE as the ~logical one. He is the MAN after all. I think I just rolled my eyes so much I dislodged a contact. Hold that thought.) (YUP.) (Better now.)
CHAIR STRIPPING. I AM A FAN. (Except, uh, it seems a little one-sided so far. And we definitely have the 'slutty' girls versus the 'pure' girls. I CANNOT EVEN DEAL WITH THIS. THIS SHOW MAKES ME UNABLE TO APPRECIATE CHAIR STRIPPING.)
Hahaha, okay, as much as I hate the way the show makes Schue the ~logical and ~even handed (and "sane") one, his little "Too Much?" sign made me giggle.
JESUS BRITTANY ON THE PIANO, PLEASE TO DANCE ON TOP OF THINGS FOREVER.
CREEPY SUE IS CREEPY.
Blaine's ~faces, though. A+
I LOVE WHEN BEISTE EATS WITH WILL. Her friendship ALMOST makes him halfway bearable. (ALMOST. I am not forgetting that KISS, WILLIAM.) But mostly because it means more BEISTE. <3<3<3<3 (I need to write a sequel to that Lauren and Shannon story already, don't I?) Oh, Beiste, please keep laughing and also being all silently mocking for me, okay? THANK YOU.
OMG Lauren's master plan. I'm not sure I can handle this. I had to pause it. (HOWEVER. Puck's, "If this is going where I think it's going, I may need to sit down" response was awesome. And have I mentioned lately my weakness for hot guys in thermals [and jeans and boots]? Because, uh, he has landed on that button with both feet this season. A lot of buttons, for that matter. All he needs to do is bulk up and grow a couple inches and start working on cars and riding motorcycles and he will have hit basically every dude hot button I have. And actually? The bulking up and growing a couple inches part is optional.)
On the other hand? JESUS CHRIST, LAUREN, YOU ARE SO FUCKING HOT IN THAT SHIRT. I CAN'T EVEN DEAL WITH THIS. UP AGAINST THE WALL, GIRLFRIEND, UP AGAINST THE FUCKING WALL.
(ALSO, this paused scene gives me a moment to talk about something else I realized while watching "The Substitute" -- other than my HOLLY, FUCK YOU, STEP OFF THE BIPOLAR SNARK, ASSHOLE -- and that is that in the scene where Holly first comes to glee club and Puck has his hands kind of jammed in his pockets a little and his jacket sleeves rolled up and he leans back a little and makes this face while he checks her out? A) I own that freaking outfit. B) I stand like that. C) I make that face when I check out hot women. Dear god, once again I have done the whole "do I want to fuck him or be him" thing. See also, Vin Diesel.)
I am not sure how I feel about this whole Lauren just wants to be famous thing. On the one hand? Get down with your bad self. On the other hand? You want to be a Kardashian? WOMAN, YOU ARE BEING RECRUITED BY PRO WRESTLING ORGANIZATIONS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE FAMOUS JUST FOR WHATEVER IT IS THAT THE KARDASHIANS ARE FAMOUS FOR, I DON'T EVEN KNOW, BEING FAMOUS ASSHOLES? (Nor do I know how to spell their name AND I am not looking it up.) GO BACK TO BEING A WRESTLING BADASS, PLEASE.
ON THE OTHER, OTHER HAND, "I'm not sure I heard that last part right because I am getting a little light headed." I'LL BET YOU ARE, PUCKERMAN. (HOT.)
I am literally, LITERALLY watching this through my fingers because I cannot handle it if the show screws with my girl. CANNOT.
HAHAHAHA, oh, man, keep insulting him, Zizes, I do so love when you do that.
OH GOD, I have reached the Warblers' performance on scaffolding in the random warehouse, and as much as I love Blaine and the Warblers, DUDE, YOU GUYS KIND OF LOOK AND SOUND LIKE SERIAL KILLERS RIGHT NOW, OKAY? JESUS.
That being said, I freaking love school uniforms. UNF.
UGH, OMG KURT YOUR DANCING WOUNDS ME. Sometimes it was sexy and sometimes it was RIDICULOUS AND HORRIBLE.
AND THEN AN ORGY BROKE OUT IN THE BUBBLES, Y/Y/FUCKING YES?
I, uh, find it hilarious that Blaine says it looked like Kurt was having gas pains WHILE BLAINE LOOKS LIKE HE IS HAVING GAS PAINS. HAHAHA.
Dude, some of the Kurt fans are going to be ALL OVER THAT hating on Blaine again, aren't they?
I am not surprised that they pulled out the whole "it isn't cheating if it's with a chick" BUT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST SHOW, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCKING HELL. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU.
(It is breakfast for dinner and it is awesome, Brittany. Come here, and I will introduce you to many, many joys.)
Lauren and Puck and their faces, omg. And their high five. And their linen talk while watching porn. (I assume Kardashian has a porn tape? Reality pop culture, I AM OUT OF TOUCH. And plan to stay that way.)
Oh, crap, I kinda love that bit with Holly. (HER SEX TAPE WITH JD SALINGER I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT, GOD, HOLLY, STOP BEING SOMETIMES AWESOME AND SOMETIMES HORRIBLE. Oh, I see what you did there, SHOW. Holly is the embodiment of you.)
Aww, their poor disappointed faces. (DUDES, GO HAVE SEX ANYWAY.)
Oh, yeah, there we are, right back in the Holly hate. (Show hate. Whatever.) And I HIGHLY disagree that it is about who you fall in love with. I think maybe they're trying to go for "love is more important than sex" which, whatever, but what actually came out was "whoever you are currently in love with defines your sexuality" which is "you're with a guy, you can't be queer" which is something I have dealt with A LOT and HATE and goddamn it I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF FAIL.
Tango, boring (except for some of the hot backup dancers). I do not care about Schue at all. (Awkward little scene in front of the band, though.)
OH GODDAMN BLAINE JUST HIT MY MECHANIC BUTTON. UH. AS;FLAKJSD;FLKJASDF OH GOD, and now I want to give him a big hug. Come be my bff, Blaine. I will rebuild a car with you and not because getting your hands dirty will make you straight, but becausemechanics are hot it is awesome.
<3<3 BURT <3<3
So kinda I want to hate that Blaine is back to his older and wiser routine, but a) it is tempered by how much he doesn't know and we know he doesn't know and b) oh, god, he is so jealous of Kurt's family. While I want Blaine to have an awesome family, I will totally take this. Maybe he's just jealous of Kurt's relationship with his dad, and I love that pain and seeing exactly what you want and not being able to have it. (Despite this, I went to look at the angst_meme and could not write anything for it.)
UGH WHY IS HOLLY SINGING LEAD? YOU DO NOT NEED TO SPEAK FOR THEM, GODDAMN IT. If it wasn't for all the rest of the crap, I might find this an intriguing little ~metaphor or something, BUT THE OTHER STUFF IS THERE AND I DON'T.
HOWEVER, Hulu just froze. What did it freeze on? Lauren and Puck cuddling AS;DLFKJA;SDLFKJA;SLKDJF. And also, CLEAVAGE A;SDFKJA;SLDKJF;ALSKJDF;LAJSDF. JESUS CHRIST SHOW, YOU GIVE AND YOU TAKE AWAY.
(THEIR FACES! PUCK'S THROAT!)
OH JESUS CHRIST, SHOW, YOU REALLY DO GIVE AND TAKE AWAY. SANTANA'S EXPRESSION. MY HEART, MY HEART, MY HEART.
Oh, Sam. You poor, pretty dumb boy. Come here, I will introduce you to many, many joys too. (FOURSOME. TOTALLY, TOTALLY WANT THAT FOURSOME. OR MAYBE EVEN NO ARTIE, BECAUSE ARTIE IS FREQUENTLY A MISOGYNISTIC ASS.)
OH GOD, SO TORN. Because on the one hand, Santana calling out that she can't be labeled? There is serious potential there. (I have SUCH ISSUES with the labeling that goes on the in queer community and the divisiveness of it all.) On the other hand? I don't think that's actually how they're writing her and I don't trust them.
UH, OUCH, EMMA. Quinn's face at that whole unwanted pregnancy thing. And dude, Quinn and Puck in the same room with that comment and we don't get any dealing with the Beth thing? OF COURSE FUCKING NOT. (I MUST FINISH THE EPISODE SO I CAN FIC. THAT IS WHAT I AM TELLING MYSELF NOW. AND ALSO ON THE OFF CHANCE THERE IS MORE CUDDLING OR MORE FACES THAT MAKE ME EITHER CLAP MY HANDS OR WANT TO WEEP BECAUSE HER PAIN IS SO REAL, SANTANA.)
OH GOD, HOW HAVE YOU PUT HOT DR UNCLE JESSE AND PUCK AND QUINN IN THE SAME SONG AND MANAGED TO MAKE ME HIDE MY EYES BECAUSE IT IS NO LONGER HOT? HOW?
Oh, Brittany. You are ADORABLE.
OMG NO NO NO BURT NO. Why are you spewing this BULLSHIT about women "getting that it is more than physical"? WHY YOU NO I LOVE YOU DON'T DO THIS TO ME.
FUCK YOU SHOW FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.
OH JESUS FUCKING FUCK, NOW WE HAVE A MIX OF MISOGYNISTIC BULLSHIT ABOUT WOMEN AND SEX AND SOME HOMOPHOBIC BULLSHIT ABOUT GAY MEN AND SEX. GODDAMNIT.
Oh good lord, it would be way smarter to just skip this scene between Hot Dr Uncle Jesse, Emma, and Holly. (YUP. Should have skipped it, oh god she is ~saving herself for SCHUE. Can Beiste take over glee club and we just get rid of Emma and Schue and maybe Holly too?)
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
I think I'm loving this scene between Santana and Brittany. <3<3 Santana <3<3 And Brittany! I just -- wait. How is this possible? SO MUCH HORRIBLENESS EARLIER and now THIS?
(Well, except for the part where we still haven't seen a healthy, happy queer relationship on this show. I'll forgive that some because we also don't see healthy, happy het relationships either.)
OMG, I feel so much for both of them right now. SO FREAKING MUCH.
JESUS FUCKING FUCK TWO SCENES IN A ROW WHICH FILLED ME WITH DELIGHT. WHAT THE HELL, SHOW? Though this delight was one of pure joy and not pure heartbreak like the last scene. OMG LAUREN I LOVE YOU. And PUCK JESUS FUCKING FUCK. (She looks at his stomach when he talks about the thumb tack, like she has x-ray vision. HA.)
I AM SURE IT SURPRISES NO ONE THAT THE STOMP FORWARD, I REALLY DO HAVE THE URGE TO PUNCH YOU, AND THEN THE KISS IS BASICALLY MY FAVORITE THING EVER.
(Also, LAUREN is yet another "do I want to fuck her or be her" situation. Because I have done exactly that. Multiple times.)
(Wait, the fact that I am over-identifying with both sides of this pairing kind of made my brain go wobbly.)
(NO, NOT DRUNK. I stopped after that first glass because I was too busy commenting to Lexie.)
(And also I almost choked to death on my crazy brain pill.)
THE POINT IS, I feel like the Lauren in my head is basically totally canon. (Well, the Lauren I've been posting at least, because there are some unposted sex scenes.)
Brittany: The key is to use the curling iron in the bathtub to keep you from getting burnt.
Lauren: No!
I am writing a fic where Lauren becomes the team mom, basically (and Tina mocks her a lot for ~going soft because I love that dynamic between them), and this just fits it so much.
(Sing it, Santana! Rachel does annoyingly take over everything.)
(OH GROSS, SCHUE, GROSS.)
(I may have just watched the Santana and Brittany hallway scene and the Lauren and Puck hallway scenes multiple times in a row. MULTIPLE.)
(And now to watch those scenes one more time.)
OH GOD, OVERIDENTIFYING WITH SANTANA A LOT HERE. JESUS FUCK, PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE CONSIDERED THIS BEFORE WATCHING THAT SCENE SO MANY TIMES. HAHAHAHA, DUMBASS. (ME, NOT HER.)
Both the Lauren and the Puck in my head and in my stories, TOTALLY TOTALLY FREAKING CANON.
"Why you gotta hate?"
"I thought you and me were an item."
OH PUCK. <3<3<3
And this is almost, ALMOST like actually having Puck and Quinn deal with Beth. Consequences and trying not to be a loser and OMG PUCK YOUR JOURNEY TO PERSONHOOD FILLS ME WITH JOY AND ENERGY. (AND LUST.) He likes ~wooing her. <3<3<3 And her squinty eyes and her glares! <3<3<3
Puck can make hickies into shapes like balloon animals! I snorted with laughter. (I, uh, can too.) (I can also leave pretty patterns of bruises.) (I will stop before this needs to be locked and filtered.)
Ugh, I find Finn so boring. (Quinn, you can do better.) (Wait, did I miss the scenes from the preview with Quinn and Rachel? Or, wait again, that preview was for this episode and the next episode, wasn't it? Must be in there.)
Finally, so once again the show has basically come down on SEX IS BAD (or at least SEX IS BAD FOR TEENS). I believe you know how I feel about this. (SPOILER: I HATE IT.)
OKAY WELL, I feel vaguely dizzy after that episode. Not because I am drunk, but because I whiplashed back and forth between emotions so much. There was a lot (NO, A LOT) (NO, A LOT) that I hated, but there were a couple scenes that just absolutely blew me away with the awesome.
UGH, do you know how much I hate Emma's storyline? A FREAKING LOT. And it has very little to do with how much I think sex is awesome (uh, also A FREAKING LOT and then some) and a lot to do with how much I hate her relationship with Schue and how it feels like the show is "saving her" for him or some shit like that.
(Also, HOT DR UNCLE JESSE IS HOT. HIT THAT LIKE THE FIST OF GOD, WOMAN.)
I do love Holly's bit about knowledge being power, trite as it is. I think abstinence is a fine choice, but I hate the way it is presented as the BE ALL AND END ALL. (I grew up in southern Missouri. I know from small town sex ed. Also what people get up to in high school, though some of that was just my group of friends. Apparently B, a high school friend with whom I've recently reconnected, was shocked to hear about all the drinking and hooking up and swapping partners and shit. I was shocked that she didn't know.)
While I buy Finn's cucumber comment, Mercedes? Really? REALLY? I don't even know what to do with that.
I can't even deal with Emma. I JUST CAN'T. Though this does give me the chance to rant about Holly using "crazy" and how FREAKING PISSED I was when I watched "The Substitute" and she spouted off about bipolar at the end of the episode. I liked you so much, Holly Holiday, but FUCK YOU.
HAHAHA. Oh, man, okay, while I am already wincing at this whole Brittany is pregnant thing, because it is going to be one of those oh, Brittany, so dumb moments (sometimes they get to me, sometimes I find them charming), the Glee gossip chain had me grinning. I love when they're gossiping. (Also, so, are we to believe Brittany and Santana have been getting their sweet lady kisses on this whole time?) (Also, also, did Santana say Sweet Valley High?)
LAUREN&PUCK. She is looking FINE.
Uh, can Santana and Lauren just lean on things together? JESUS, leaning against a piano should not be that HOT! (I swear, I'm not actually drunk. I'm just loud and since I don't know anyone locally who watches, you get my CAPSLOCK. Perhaps I will one day get to watch an episode with Sister K.) And TINA is with them too? HELLO SEXY.
Rachel touching Quinn and Quinn pushing her away. HEE. They're like gamboling puppies together. (I SWEAR, NOT DRUNK.)
OUCH, Holly. That was freaking uncalled for. I guess we have to have both extremes (Emma and Holly, with SCHUE as the ~logical one. He is the MAN after all. I think I just rolled my eyes so much I dislodged a contact. Hold that thought.) (YUP.) (Better now.)
CHAIR STRIPPING. I AM A FAN. (Except, uh, it seems a little one-sided so far. And we definitely have the 'slutty' girls versus the 'pure' girls. I CANNOT EVEN DEAL WITH THIS. THIS SHOW MAKES ME UNABLE TO APPRECIATE CHAIR STRIPPING.)
Hahaha, okay, as much as I hate the way the show makes Schue the ~logical and ~even handed (and "sane") one, his little "Too Much?" sign made me giggle.
JESUS BRITTANY ON THE PIANO, PLEASE TO DANCE ON TOP OF THINGS FOREVER.
CREEPY SUE IS CREEPY.
Blaine's ~faces, though. A+
I LOVE WHEN BEISTE EATS WITH WILL. Her friendship ALMOST makes him halfway bearable. (ALMOST. I am not forgetting that KISS, WILLIAM.) But mostly because it means more BEISTE. <3<3<3<3 (I need to write a sequel to that Lauren and Shannon story already, don't I?) Oh, Beiste, please keep laughing and also being all silently mocking for me, okay? THANK YOU.
OMG Lauren's master plan. I'm not sure I can handle this. I had to pause it. (HOWEVER. Puck's, "If this is going where I think it's going, I may need to sit down" response was awesome. And have I mentioned lately my weakness for hot guys in thermals [and jeans and boots]? Because, uh, he has landed on that button with both feet this season. A lot of buttons, for that matter. All he needs to do is bulk up and grow a couple inches and start working on cars and riding motorcycles and he will have hit basically every dude hot button I have. And actually? The bulking up and growing a couple inches part is optional.)
On the other hand? JESUS CHRIST, LAUREN, YOU ARE SO FUCKING HOT IN THAT SHIRT. I CAN'T EVEN DEAL WITH THIS. UP AGAINST THE WALL, GIRLFRIEND, UP AGAINST THE FUCKING WALL.
(ALSO, this paused scene gives me a moment to talk about something else I realized while watching "The Substitute" -- other than my HOLLY, FUCK YOU, STEP OFF THE BIPOLAR SNARK, ASSHOLE -- and that is that in the scene where Holly first comes to glee club and Puck has his hands kind of jammed in his pockets a little and his jacket sleeves rolled up and he leans back a little and makes this face while he checks her out? A) I own that freaking outfit. B) I stand like that. C) I make that face when I check out hot women. Dear god, once again I have done the whole "do I want to fuck him or be him" thing. See also, Vin Diesel.)
I am not sure how I feel about this whole Lauren just wants to be famous thing. On the one hand? Get down with your bad self. On the other hand? You want to be a Kardashian? WOMAN, YOU ARE BEING RECRUITED BY PRO WRESTLING ORGANIZATIONS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE FAMOUS JUST FOR WHATEVER IT IS THAT THE KARDASHIANS ARE FAMOUS FOR, I DON'T EVEN KNOW, BEING FAMOUS ASSHOLES? (Nor do I know how to spell their name AND I am not looking it up.) GO BACK TO BEING A WRESTLING BADASS, PLEASE.
ON THE OTHER, OTHER HAND, "I'm not sure I heard that last part right because I am getting a little light headed." I'LL BET YOU ARE, PUCKERMAN. (HOT.)
I am literally, LITERALLY watching this through my fingers because I cannot handle it if the show screws with my girl. CANNOT.
HAHAHAHA, oh, man, keep insulting him, Zizes, I do so love when you do that.
OH GOD, I have reached the Warblers' performance on scaffolding in the random warehouse, and as much as I love Blaine and the Warblers, DUDE, YOU GUYS KIND OF LOOK AND SOUND LIKE SERIAL KILLERS RIGHT NOW, OKAY? JESUS.
That being said, I freaking love school uniforms. UNF.
UGH, OMG KURT YOUR DANCING WOUNDS ME. Sometimes it was sexy and sometimes it was RIDICULOUS AND HORRIBLE.
AND THEN AN ORGY BROKE OUT IN THE BUBBLES, Y/Y/FUCKING YES?
I, uh, find it hilarious that Blaine says it looked like Kurt was having gas pains WHILE BLAINE LOOKS LIKE HE IS HAVING GAS PAINS. HAHAHA.
Dude, some of the Kurt fans are going to be ALL OVER THAT hating on Blaine again, aren't they?
I am not surprised that they pulled out the whole "it isn't cheating if it's with a chick" BUT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST SHOW, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCKING HELL. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU.
(It is breakfast for dinner and it is awesome, Brittany. Come here, and I will introduce you to many, many joys.)
Lauren and Puck and their faces, omg. And their high five. And their linen talk while watching porn. (I assume Kardashian has a porn tape? Reality pop culture, I AM OUT OF TOUCH. And plan to stay that way.)
Oh, crap, I kinda love that bit with Holly. (HER SEX TAPE WITH JD SALINGER I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT, GOD, HOLLY, STOP BEING SOMETIMES AWESOME AND SOMETIMES HORRIBLE. Oh, I see what you did there, SHOW. Holly is the embodiment of you.)
Aww, their poor disappointed faces. (DUDES, GO HAVE SEX ANYWAY.)
Oh, yeah, there we are, right back in the Holly hate. (Show hate. Whatever.) And I HIGHLY disagree that it is about who you fall in love with. I think maybe they're trying to go for "love is more important than sex" which, whatever, but what actually came out was "whoever you are currently in love with defines your sexuality" which is "you're with a guy, you can't be queer" which is something I have dealt with A LOT and HATE and goddamn it I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF FAIL.
Tango, boring (except for some of the hot backup dancers). I do not care about Schue at all. (Awkward little scene in front of the band, though.)
OH GODDAMN BLAINE JUST HIT MY MECHANIC BUTTON. UH. AS;FLAKJSD;FLKJASDF OH GOD, and now I want to give him a big hug. Come be my bff, Blaine. I will rebuild a car with you and not because getting your hands dirty will make you straight, but because
<3<3 BURT <3<3
So kinda I want to hate that Blaine is back to his older and wiser routine, but a) it is tempered by how much he doesn't know and we know he doesn't know and b) oh, god, he is so jealous of Kurt's family. While I want Blaine to have an awesome family, I will totally take this. Maybe he's just jealous of Kurt's relationship with his dad, and I love that pain and seeing exactly what you want and not being able to have it. (Despite this, I went to look at the angst_meme and could not write anything for it.)
UGH WHY IS HOLLY SINGING LEAD? YOU DO NOT NEED TO SPEAK FOR THEM, GODDAMN IT. If it wasn't for all the rest of the crap, I might find this an intriguing little ~metaphor or something, BUT THE OTHER STUFF IS THERE AND I DON'T.
HOWEVER, Hulu just froze. What did it freeze on? Lauren and Puck cuddling AS;DLFKJA;SDLFKJA;SLKDJF. And also, CLEAVAGE A;SDFKJA;SLDKJF;ALSKJDF;LAJSDF. JESUS CHRIST SHOW, YOU GIVE AND YOU TAKE AWAY.
(THEIR FACES! PUCK'S THROAT!)
OH JESUS CHRIST, SHOW, YOU REALLY DO GIVE AND TAKE AWAY. SANTANA'S EXPRESSION. MY HEART, MY HEART, MY HEART.
Oh, Sam. You poor, pretty dumb boy. Come here, I will introduce you to many, many joys too. (FOURSOME. TOTALLY, TOTALLY WANT THAT FOURSOME. OR MAYBE EVEN NO ARTIE, BECAUSE ARTIE IS FREQUENTLY A MISOGYNISTIC ASS.)
OH GOD, SO TORN. Because on the one hand, Santana calling out that she can't be labeled? There is serious potential there. (I have SUCH ISSUES with the labeling that goes on the in queer community and the divisiveness of it all.) On the other hand? I don't think that's actually how they're writing her and I don't trust them.
UH, OUCH, EMMA. Quinn's face at that whole unwanted pregnancy thing. And dude, Quinn and Puck in the same room with that comment and we don't get any dealing with the Beth thing? OF COURSE FUCKING NOT. (I MUST FINISH THE EPISODE SO I CAN FIC. THAT IS WHAT I AM TELLING MYSELF NOW. AND ALSO ON THE OFF CHANCE THERE IS MORE CUDDLING OR MORE FACES THAT MAKE ME EITHER CLAP MY HANDS OR WANT TO WEEP BECAUSE HER PAIN IS SO REAL, SANTANA.)
OH GOD, HOW HAVE YOU PUT HOT DR UNCLE JESSE AND PUCK AND QUINN IN THE SAME SONG AND MANAGED TO MAKE ME HIDE MY EYES BECAUSE IT IS NO LONGER HOT? HOW?
Oh, Brittany. You are ADORABLE.
OMG NO NO NO BURT NO. Why are you spewing this BULLSHIT about women "getting that it is more than physical"? WHY YOU NO I LOVE YOU DON'T DO THIS TO ME.
FUCK YOU SHOW FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.
OH JESUS FUCKING FUCK, NOW WE HAVE A MIX OF MISOGYNISTIC BULLSHIT ABOUT WOMEN AND SEX AND SOME HOMOPHOBIC BULLSHIT ABOUT GAY MEN AND SEX. GODDAMNIT.
Oh good lord, it would be way smarter to just skip this scene between Hot Dr Uncle Jesse, Emma, and Holly. (YUP. Should have skipped it, oh god she is ~saving herself for SCHUE. Can Beiste take over glee club and we just get rid of Emma and Schue and maybe Holly too?)
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
I think I'm loving this scene between Santana and Brittany. <3<3 Santana <3<3 And Brittany! I just -- wait. How is this possible? SO MUCH HORRIBLENESS EARLIER and now THIS?
(Well, except for the part where we still haven't seen a healthy, happy queer relationship on this show. I'll forgive that some because we also don't see healthy, happy het relationships either.)
OMG, I feel so much for both of them right now. SO FREAKING MUCH.
JESUS FUCKING FUCK TWO SCENES IN A ROW WHICH FILLED ME WITH DELIGHT. WHAT THE HELL, SHOW? Though this delight was one of pure joy and not pure heartbreak like the last scene. OMG LAUREN I LOVE YOU. And PUCK JESUS FUCKING FUCK. (She looks at his stomach when he talks about the thumb tack, like she has x-ray vision. HA.)
I AM SURE IT SURPRISES NO ONE THAT THE STOMP FORWARD, I REALLY DO HAVE THE URGE TO PUNCH YOU, AND THEN THE KISS IS BASICALLY MY FAVORITE THING EVER.
(Also, LAUREN is yet another "do I want to fuck her or be her" situation. Because I have done exactly that. Multiple times.)
(Wait, the fact that I am over-identifying with both sides of this pairing kind of made my brain go wobbly.)
(NO, NOT DRUNK. I stopped after that first glass because I was too busy commenting to Lexie.)
(And also I almost choked to death on my crazy brain pill.)
THE POINT IS, I feel like the Lauren in my head is basically totally canon. (Well, the Lauren I've been posting at least, because there are some unposted sex scenes.)
Brittany: The key is to use the curling iron in the bathtub to keep you from getting burnt.
Lauren: No!
I am writing a fic where Lauren becomes the team mom, basically (and Tina mocks her a lot for ~going soft because I love that dynamic between them), and this just fits it so much.
(Sing it, Santana! Rachel does annoyingly take over everything.)
(OH GROSS, SCHUE, GROSS.)
(I may have just watched the Santana and Brittany hallway scene and the Lauren and Puck hallway scenes multiple times in a row. MULTIPLE.)
(And now to watch those scenes one more time.)
OH GOD, OVERIDENTIFYING WITH SANTANA A LOT HERE. JESUS FUCK, PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE CONSIDERED THIS BEFORE WATCHING THAT SCENE SO MANY TIMES. HAHAHAHA, DUMBASS. (ME, NOT HER.)
Both the Lauren and the Puck in my head and in my stories, TOTALLY TOTALLY FREAKING CANON.
"Why you gotta hate?"
"I thought you and me were an item."
OH PUCK. <3<3<3
And this is almost, ALMOST like actually having Puck and Quinn deal with Beth. Consequences and trying not to be a loser and OMG PUCK YOUR JOURNEY TO PERSONHOOD FILLS ME WITH JOY AND ENERGY. (AND LUST.) He likes ~wooing her. <3<3<3 And her squinty eyes and her glares! <3<3<3
Puck can make hickies into shapes like balloon animals! I snorted with laughter. (I, uh, can too.) (I can also leave pretty patterns of bruises.) (I will stop before this needs to be locked and filtered.)
Ugh, I find Finn so boring. (Quinn, you can do better.) (Wait, did I miss the scenes from the preview with Quinn and Rachel? Or, wait again, that preview was for this episode and the next episode, wasn't it? Must be in there.)
Finally, so once again the show has basically come down on SEX IS BAD (or at least SEX IS BAD FOR TEENS). I believe you know how I feel about this. (SPOILER: I HATE IT.)
OKAY WELL, I feel vaguely dizzy after that episode. Not because I am drunk, but because I whiplashed back and forth between emotions so much. There was a lot (NO, A LOT) (NO, A LOT) that I hated, but there were a couple scenes that just absolutely blew me away with the awesome.
