Personal: Countdown Day 3: Eight Things That Annoy You

[escritoireazul]

Day 1 - Ten random facts about yourself
Day 2 - Nine things you do everyday
Day 3 - Eight things that annoy you
Day 4 - Seven fears/phobias
Day 5 - Six songs that you're addicted to
Day 6 - Five things you can't live without
Day 7 - Four memories you won't forget
Day 8 - Three words you can't go a day without
Day 9 - Two things you wish you could do
Day 10 - One person you can trust


Oh, god, what doesn't annoy me? I am annoyed by everything right now, turned inside out, raw. My bipolar, unmedicated, manifests with a lot of rage and annoyance and taking things far more personally than they are intended, and did I mention rage?

Though to be fair, most of the big things that upset me anymore take me straight to rage and fear for people and hatred of people, so.

1. When someone tells me I feel some way I don't, or that I don't feel some way I do. I run into this A LOT with people who know I have bipolar. I already don't trust my brain and my responses to things, but it is annoying as hell when people try to tell me I do or don't feel some way.

2. Slightly less annoying, because I spend a great deal of time explaining emotions versus logic to J, who is basically a robot, is when someone tells me I shouldn't feel the way I feel. This annoys me less now than it did when I was younger, because okay, so what? I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. It is what it is.

3. That series of white boys in their 20s I encountered in KC while walking my dog. They all had dogs too, big dogs, off leash, and every single time I met a new one, he laughed and told me how friendly his dog was as his dog ran at us, approximately half a second before there was a dog fight. They never helped break up the fight either, instead stood around freaking out. I'm glad my girl wears a harness, because I can pick up 50 pounds of fighting dog so much easier when she's all strapped up.

4. People who say something along the lines of, why do you criticize media so much, it's only a book/tv show/movie/whatever, it doesn't really mean anything? Baby brother used to say this to try to calm me down when I went on a rant. It did not work, obviously.

5. Sharing a living space. I am not good at living with others, I hate not knowing who will be in the house when, and I tend to snap when I haven't been getting enough alone time. There are maybe three or four people in the world I can easily live with. It's nothing personal to anyone, and all about my need for alone time.

6. When my drink sits empty at a restaurant. This is the number one thing that makes me want to lower a tip (though I normally don't). I drink a lot, I order a water with whatever other drink I get, and I request a pitcher of water where possible.

7. "You must not have a very serious case of bipolar if you managed to go to grad school." Oh wait, no, that's annoyance to rage. (And yes, someone said this to me.)

8. Forgetting to take out meat to thaw. I am really bad at remembering to do this.

Comments

[cleo]

#7: PEOPLE ACTUALLY SAY THAT?! OMFG.

[intrigueing]

I really wonder what the purpose is in telling people stuff like #7. I mean, is that supposed to be reassuring or something? Seems to me it just means "oh, if you're successful, that must be because your problems aren't that serious, not because you managed to accomplish things anyway." Bleh.

[wyomingnot]

People suck.

I am easily annoyed, even when my bipolar is well-managed. I'm just wired that way. But when I'm off meds and should be on? Annoyed is my default setting. So I feel you here.

For number 7... I am speechless. It's a stupid thing to think, unbelievable thing to say. Admittedly, I'd think that if a schizophrenic had managed grad school, but I'd never say it. Though I am really socially inept, so I'd possibly ask if the schizophrenia hadn't yet manifested or wow - you are amazing. Or both. Ro something.

Number 8. I hate when that happens. And then the thing that follows... you forget you took the meat out and it goes bad. Or you remember to take the meat out, but then just do not have the energy/whatever to deal with it when it's thawed. And it goes off because you just can't.

Hi.

[escritoireazul]

Well, at least one person flat out said that to my face shortly after I finished taking the bar exam. I've also been told that people wished they were bipolar because the mania must be so useful.

[escritoireazul]

Yeah. I think in this woman's case, she was struggling with comparing what I've done after a bipolar diagnosis with what her son did after the same diagnosis, which not only isn't fair to either of us, but also completely invalidated how fucking hard I had to work to stay alive, much less get through law school. So yeah. I'm still angry, and this was five years ago.

[cleo]

I'm so sorry. That's just fucking awful of people.