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escritoireazulFor some reason, today I decided I needed to watch the baseball scene from Twilight a couple times. I don't know why! This is like a sickness.
I have thoughts. Again. Many the same thoughts I had the first time I saw it, but I am going to share them again.
I'm even giving these thoughts a pretentious title. Go me.
"Animal Pet Names, Gender Imbalance in Speed, and a Goddamn Badass with a Baseball Bat: Oddities of Vampires Playing Baseball"
I love Emmett's Jeep so very, very much. There should be offroading with the top and sides off and Emmett and Rosalie making out and Alice and Jasper doing naughty things in the back. I might have to write this story. The Pacific Northwest is a gorgeous place to offroad.
To give even more weight to my Carlisle is building himself a love nest theory, not only is he playing games with Rosalie and the bat before things start, but he does call her kitty! That has bothered me since the first time I saw it. Kitty? Kitty! I'm sorry, Carlisle and Rosalie, totally fucking. Nice Kitty.
And then Rosalie uses the exact same tone when she calls Emmett her monkey man.
I'm starting to think not only is Edward the only one not fucking everyone else, but they're all kinky and into roleplay and pet play and beating each other with baseball bats and riding crops and etc. Though another way to look at that is Edward just really doesn't know what to do with this human who is like a drug, so he acts totally different with her, and he, too, has been fucking his family until she comes along. And now it's all, no, I can't, she's pure, and Rosalie's all, a month ago you were wearing a bit and being beat with a riding crop and you loved it, what the hell, Edward? And Alice keeps seeing how kinky Bella will be once she starts having sex and Edward gets pissed, no, no, humans are fragile and can't do those things, and Carlisle who is a kink-friendly doctor, just laughs at him because he knows. And Edward should, too, because he can read minds, but he's convinced himself that just because some have the thoughts, their bodies can't actually survive kinky sex.
But mostly I can't stand Edward, so I don't want to write about him in this Carlisle's Kinky Vampire House o' Love.
I kinda ridiculously love how seriously Rosalie takes the game. I bet she's just as serious when playing sex games. Crap, now I want to write that, too. Rosalie probably even makes sure she doesn't decide where she's going to swing, just in case Alice can see it. She purposely thinks maybe high, maybe low, oh, maybe I'll bunt, just in case.
While Jasper is badassing at the plate, Rosalie is behind him doing much less cool flips with the bat. Like she's learning how to do it. Like he's been teaching her how to handle the bat.
The dodgy foursome (occasionally expanded to a sixsome when Carlisle and Esme get involved) writes itself!
Also, I finally see how baseball can be sexy. Yeah. All that bat handling and squeezing the ball and sliding into each other. Unf.
That's all stuff I love. (For various definitions of love, I guess, which include "am highly amused by" and "love to hate.") This next part actually bothers me.
So we frequently see Edward moving quickly and he's a sped-up blur. (A very cheesy sped-up blur. I hate the special effects.) But when Rosalie runs the bases, even when it's not in (super hot) slow motion, she's moving at a normal speed. Now, I know Edward is the fastest (of course, because only the boys can be the fastest and the strongest, the girls get to be, you know, pretty and fortunetelling and nurturing, because that's what girls do), but all vampires are supposed to be fast and fluid in motion. So why don't we get to see Rosalie blur?
(Though now that I've watched it paying special attention to this, we don't really see the other guys blur, either. Jasper and Carlisle both run without the blurry speed and smoothness and Emmett only shows strange movements when he's leaping up the tree. On the other hand, when the Villain Vampires show up, they're all strangely fluid in their movements. So maybe not gender fail in the movement, but consistency issues.)
Basically, I am left with this. Writing queer, kinky, sexually explicit stories in this fandom shouldn't feel as good as it does, considering how much I hate the source material.
Also? Carlisle's Kinky Vampire House o' Love is probably my favorite thing I've come up with this month. Maybe this year. <3
I have thoughts. Again. Many the same thoughts I had the first time I saw it, but I am going to share them again.
I'm even giving these thoughts a pretentious title. Go me.
"Animal Pet Names, Gender Imbalance in Speed, and a Goddamn Badass with a Baseball Bat: Oddities of Vampires Playing Baseball"
I love Emmett's Jeep so very, very much. There should be offroading with the top and sides off and Emmett and Rosalie making out and Alice and Jasper doing naughty things in the back. I might have to write this story. The Pacific Northwest is a gorgeous place to offroad.
To give even more weight to my Carlisle is building himself a love nest theory, not only is he playing games with Rosalie and the bat before things start, but he does call her kitty! That has bothered me since the first time I saw it. Kitty? Kitty! I'm sorry, Carlisle and Rosalie, totally fucking. Nice Kitty.
And then Rosalie uses the exact same tone when she calls Emmett her monkey man.
I'm starting to think not only is Edward the only one not fucking everyone else, but they're all kinky and into roleplay and pet play and beating each other with baseball bats and riding crops and etc. Though another way to look at that is Edward just really doesn't know what to do with this human who is like a drug, so he acts totally different with her, and he, too, has been fucking his family until she comes along. And now it's all, no, I can't, she's pure, and Rosalie's all, a month ago you were wearing a bit and being beat with a riding crop and you loved it, what the hell, Edward? And Alice keeps seeing how kinky Bella will be once she starts having sex and Edward gets pissed, no, no, humans are fragile and can't do those things, and Carlisle who is a kink-friendly doctor, just laughs at him because he knows. And Edward should, too, because he can read minds, but he's convinced himself that just because some have the thoughts, their bodies can't actually survive kinky sex.
But mostly I can't stand Edward, so I don't want to write about him in this Carlisle's Kinky Vampire House o' Love.
I kinda ridiculously love how seriously Rosalie takes the game. I bet she's just as serious when playing sex games. Crap, now I want to write that, too. Rosalie probably even makes sure she doesn't decide where she's going to swing, just in case Alice can see it. She purposely thinks maybe high, maybe low, oh, maybe I'll bunt, just in case.
While Jasper is badassing at the plate, Rosalie is behind him doing much less cool flips with the bat. Like she's learning how to do it. Like he's been teaching her how to handle the bat.
The dodgy foursome (occasionally expanded to a sixsome when Carlisle and Esme get involved) writes itself!
Also, I finally see how baseball can be sexy. Yeah. All that bat handling and squeezing the ball and sliding into each other. Unf.
That's all stuff I love. (For various definitions of love, I guess, which include "am highly amused by" and "love to hate.") This next part actually bothers me.
So we frequently see Edward moving quickly and he's a sped-up blur. (A very cheesy sped-up blur. I hate the special effects.) But when Rosalie runs the bases, even when it's not in (super hot) slow motion, she's moving at a normal speed. Now, I know Edward is the fastest (of course, because only the boys can be the fastest and the strongest, the girls get to be, you know, pretty and fortunetelling and nurturing, because that's what girls do), but all vampires are supposed to be fast and fluid in motion. So why don't we get to see Rosalie blur?
(Though now that I've watched it paying special attention to this, we don't really see the other guys blur, either. Jasper and Carlisle both run without the blurry speed and smoothness and Emmett only shows strange movements when he's leaping up the tree. On the other hand, when the Villain Vampires show up, they're all strangely fluid in their movements. So maybe not gender fail in the movement, but consistency issues.)
Basically, I am left with this. Writing queer, kinky, sexually explicit stories in this fandom shouldn't feel as good as it does, considering how much I hate the source material.
Also? Carlisle's Kinky Vampire House o' Love is probably my favorite thing I've come up with this month. Maybe this year. <3
