Fandom: Horror Movie Month Autopsy
Oct. 5th, 2009 05:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
escritoireazulToday's film will be Autopsy, maybe. The intro is pretty heavy on the first person camera work, so we'll see if I can handle it. "Four college grads encounter a spooky hospital after an accident in Louisiana derails their cross-country road trip."
Again, I like groups of friends going on adventures together, road trips, Louisiana, and spooky hospitals. I dislike first person camera work, and there was just a bunch of it leading into the crash, so we'll see.
State Route 53, Somewhere in Louisiana
Nice and vague.
I love that the first thing they do is check their phones and get no signal. How much longer until everywhere has a signal? What will we do in horror movies then?
Okay, for some reason one of the guys is pissing next to the wrecked car. Then a hand grabs him from under the car and spits blood into his mouth. And then an ambulance drives buy - where did it come from? Must have been looking for the guy the foursome hit - yup. He freaked out before surgery and ran. The meds just do that sometimes. Huh.
The two ambulance guys leave the foursome in the back with the guy they hit. I'd worry about him telling them something, but of course that doesn't happen. No logic for this movie.
At Mercy Hospital, the nurses still wear old-fashioned white dresses and don't care if you've swallowed blood from the escaped patient.
Katrina is why their staff is so sparse and they're backed up, not that the hospital actually looks backed up. It looks empty and run down.
One of them is bleeding and has already called it just a scratch. That's not going to come back and bite them at all I'm sure. It's not a scratch, it's a good-sized chunk of glass and as soon as Bobby pulls it out (finally caught one of their names), he starts to feel it and be faint and seize and that just made no sense at all.
The old horror movie rule that if there are two female main characters/potential victims, one has to be blond and one has to be brunette.
Wait, suddenly there's a third guy? Where the hell did he come from?
I am confused by the dynamics of this group. And their names.
Angry Guy, the one with blood in his mouth and the one who has treated the nurse like crap, is now off by himself in the bathroom. Brunette has an awesome maroon tank top and dark jeans, has terrible hospital fear, and is Bobby's girlfriend, I think. Neither she nor Bobby put contact information on their hospital paperwork and when she's questioned about it, I think she says Bobby's parents are on vacation and she's not sure where they're staying, but doesn't offer an explanation for herself. Obviously, she is not the normal woman she appears. Blondie's been sitting and crying and being comforted by the Mysterious New Guy.
Brunette apparently went to medical school for a year and dropped out. Huh. And also, her name is Emily. Gee, I wonder if the reason she dropped out of med school has anything to do with why she has hospital fear.
Emily is now dramatically walking along the second floor, where she's not supposed to be, and there is so much lightening it really looks like a strobe light. Not great effects here.
Creepy patient in a gown, though. Very zombie-like except she's talking. I can't actually hear much of what she said, though, because the sound effects are so loud.
Mysterious New Guy is Dmitri and does have awesomely cute curly dark hair and a bad ass shiny belt.
Angry Guy is now off getting drugs from one of the guys who looked like orderlies before but has now said he's in security. He's bad and tattooed and, for that reason, I find him kind of awesome.
I'm still confused as to where Dmitri came from. Maybe he was in the car with them, but it didn't look like it AND that means the description of the movie from my dvr was lying.
Bald & Tattooed has this response to hearing that someone bled into Angry Guy's mouth: That's fucked up. Did you ask him to?
Way to understand consent! He also mocked Angry Guy for asking for antibiotics when he showed him a room full of good drugs, but then seems to understand why Angry Guy wants them once he learns about the blood in the mouth.
Dmitri has just found an examining room where the slow drip wasn't water but blood. Typical (the drip of blood), but what was weird was the quick zooming in and out of the camera to show that he was shocked and dizzy.
Emily is still wandering around. She came close enough for Bobby to hear her call his name, but the nurse keeps him from yelling out to her. Now she's run into the nurse (literally) who has locked her into an examination room. Good times.
Bald & Tattooed has just locked Angry Guy into a room, too. He sure did take a long time playing buddy-buddy with him before locking him inside an admittedly pretty dark and disgusting room.
Dmitri is now being dramatically wheeled down the hall to surgery? X-Ray? Something?
Dmitri is being cut apart while alive, his organs harvested, but it manages to be cheesy, not frightening or even all that disgusting.
Angry Guy maybe took some drugs that aren't agreeing with him. He looks horrible.
Also, that's a fairly creepy scene where the body bag starts to breathe and unzip itself. Zombies?
Blondie, still alone by herself at the nurse's station, has now decided to answer the ringing phone. All she hears is weird noises and maybe someone whispering hello. So she goes exploring - as you do in a strange hospital - and finds a room where the patient is sitting on the bed and the phone is off the hook. Convenient, finding the room which must have phoned her, right? Yeah.
Once again, violence is fine, but a bare ass must be blurred. And by violence here, I mean guts and blood and all the internal organs falling all over her after she's tackled by a patient (not the patient on the bed) because as she's trying to push him off she instead claws open his chest. Again, as you do.
Then, when she runs away, one of the doctors or orderlies punches her in the face.
Emily just happens to be in a room with her New Doctor Friend's diplomas and awards.
Oh. Her dad died a month ago of bone cancer. That's part of why she's so stressed. The doctor seems pretty set on convincing her to go back to medical school. He's now trying to bond with her over having illness in the family. I wonder if he's going to use his wife's illness to explain his experiments in the hospital.
OH. So that's what this is. The doctor's looking for a new body for his wife. Either that or just her spinal fluid. Or some combination of both. Um, ew. He just drank the fluid he removed from her spine.
And now she's trying to trick the doctor - and succeeded, asking if he'd talked to Bobby's parents. He says he has. Now she's finally realized she's locked in, which I find weird, because you can hear the door locking after it's shut. At least she's trying to escape, using a tool to try to pop the lock.
So Blondie gets violently beat to death by a guy drinking Jack Daniels. Yeah, no shades of abuse here or anything. Oh, wait, she's not dead yet, I guess.
So basically the movie has gotten really, really boring, even though it involves Emily running around the hospital trying to save people and lots of blood and guts. I do love that she finds a cell phone and tries to call 911. Mercy's been closed for years, of course. It's also pretty bad ass when she stabs one of the orderlies, but she leaves her weapon behind when she does so and then stops running so the guy catches up.
The cops actually showed up to follow up on the 911 call.
It is creepy the way the cop is going to believe the hospital orderly because she has no ID and the orderly says she's a patient in the psychiatric ward. The cop is trying to figure out why the orderly looks familiar. Probably because he's a convict and you arrested him at some point.
HILARIOUSLY, Bald & Tattooed pushes a cart of body parts past the cop just as he's decided Emily is crazy. Of course, the cop dies then, but still, it was a genuinely funny moment.
I was right, Doc wants Emily to be the host for his wife. And he's going to operate to opera. Though, I'd recommend making her unconscious before you drill into her brain. I mean, the odds of her moving at the wrong time and you destroying things seems high, even with her being held still.
Lots of torture porn shots here as he drills into her head.
Hahahahahaha. His drill isn't working.
Emily, being the badass she is, manages to escape her cuffs and then beats one of the orderlies to death. Okay then. Maybe you should think about getting out of there, honey. Still, that was pretty awesome.
Angry Guy is still alive? Say what now? And he's run into the zombie version of Blondie? (Not necessarily an actual zombie.)
Don't wait for the elevator, idiot! You've used the stairs on three multiple times! GODDAMN. I hate that she's so smart sometimes and so dumb others. Though when they were momentarily distracted by Angry Guy walking past, she did manage to gut punch one of them and get away. That was nice.
Emily, SHUT UP! If Angry Guy - who is Jude, but I prefer Angry Guy - has locked you out and told you to run, that he'll be right behidn you, maybe you should run instead of yelling and letting the others know where you are.
AWESOME explosion! I love when people blow things up so their friends can get away. Not that Emily is actually getting away. She's still looking for Bobby, I guess. Run, Emily, run. Odds are good he's not in any shape to escape.
Oh, wow, she's gone to visit Doc's wife and her green tube of goo that keeps her alive. This is freaky.
Dude, Emily, unplug them and run. You idiot.
If she plans to try to find some way to use Doc's experiments to bring back Bobby, I'm going to be so pissed. Also, I'm not sure why all his internal organs need to be hanging from the ceiling like that. What exactly is the point of that, Doc?
Emily! Babe! He's already practically dead. Put him out of his misery and get the hell out of there! You can't save him and there's no guarantee everyone else is dead.
Emily turned off his machine! That kills him and Doc's wife. I'm proud of her. That had to be difficult.
However, you've fought this long to survive, maybe you should RUN.
Doc's wife is going to end up an actual zombie, isn't she?
Ha! I told you not everyone was dead! Hello, nurse! And instead of killing her, Emily cuts off her arm and tells her to bleed out. Though, you know, I wouldn't be surprised if she could bind that wound and not die.
JESUS FUCK EMILY DON'T SIT DOWN AND CRY! YOU'RE ALMOST FREE! GET OUT OF THERE!
Look, of course it's Doc's wife whispering for help. JUST GO.
Emily! You're pissed at Doc's wife because DOC was too in love and obsessed with her to let her die? Somehow I don't really see this as logical anger.
Why is Doc suddenly super strong and able to pin her to the wall? The scene where Emily is stabbing his face is hilarious, too, because you can tell she's not actually making contact but his face is slowly turning into red mush.
EMILY! Why the hell are you still sitting in the hospital? Surely there's a better place to sew up your wounds.
God, that was a shitty ending to a somewhat fun and terribly cheesy movie.
Again, I like groups of friends going on adventures together, road trips, Louisiana, and spooky hospitals. I dislike first person camera work, and there was just a bunch of it leading into the crash, so we'll see.
State Route 53, Somewhere in Louisiana
Nice and vague.
I love that the first thing they do is check their phones and get no signal. How much longer until everywhere has a signal? What will we do in horror movies then?
Okay, for some reason one of the guys is pissing next to the wrecked car. Then a hand grabs him from under the car and spits blood into his mouth. And then an ambulance drives buy - where did it come from? Must have been looking for the guy the foursome hit - yup. He freaked out before surgery and ran. The meds just do that sometimes. Huh.
The two ambulance guys leave the foursome in the back with the guy they hit. I'd worry about him telling them something, but of course that doesn't happen. No logic for this movie.
At Mercy Hospital, the nurses still wear old-fashioned white dresses and don't care if you've swallowed blood from the escaped patient.
Katrina is why their staff is so sparse and they're backed up, not that the hospital actually looks backed up. It looks empty and run down.
One of them is bleeding and has already called it just a scratch. That's not going to come back and bite them at all I'm sure. It's not a scratch, it's a good-sized chunk of glass and as soon as Bobby pulls it out (finally caught one of their names), he starts to feel it and be faint and seize and that just made no sense at all.
The old horror movie rule that if there are two female main characters/potential victims, one has to be blond and one has to be brunette.
Wait, suddenly there's a third guy? Where the hell did he come from?
I am confused by the dynamics of this group. And their names.
Angry Guy, the one with blood in his mouth and the one who has treated the nurse like crap, is now off by himself in the bathroom. Brunette has an awesome maroon tank top and dark jeans, has terrible hospital fear, and is Bobby's girlfriend, I think. Neither she nor Bobby put contact information on their hospital paperwork and when she's questioned about it, I think she says Bobby's parents are on vacation and she's not sure where they're staying, but doesn't offer an explanation for herself. Obviously, she is not the normal woman she appears. Blondie's been sitting and crying and being comforted by the Mysterious New Guy.
Brunette apparently went to medical school for a year and dropped out. Huh. And also, her name is Emily. Gee, I wonder if the reason she dropped out of med school has anything to do with why she has hospital fear.
Emily is now dramatically walking along the second floor, where she's not supposed to be, and there is so much lightening it really looks like a strobe light. Not great effects here.
Creepy patient in a gown, though. Very zombie-like except she's talking. I can't actually hear much of what she said, though, because the sound effects are so loud.
Mysterious New Guy is Dmitri and does have awesomely cute curly dark hair and a bad ass shiny belt.
Angry Guy is now off getting drugs from one of the guys who looked like orderlies before but has now said he's in security. He's bad and tattooed and, for that reason, I find him kind of awesome.
I'm still confused as to where Dmitri came from. Maybe he was in the car with them, but it didn't look like it AND that means the description of the movie from my dvr was lying.
Bald & Tattooed has this response to hearing that someone bled into Angry Guy's mouth: That's fucked up. Did you ask him to?
Way to understand consent! He also mocked Angry Guy for asking for antibiotics when he showed him a room full of good drugs, but then seems to understand why Angry Guy wants them once he learns about the blood in the mouth.
Dmitri has just found an examining room where the slow drip wasn't water but blood. Typical (the drip of blood), but what was weird was the quick zooming in and out of the camera to show that he was shocked and dizzy.
Emily is still wandering around. She came close enough for Bobby to hear her call his name, but the nurse keeps him from yelling out to her. Now she's run into the nurse (literally) who has locked her into an examination room. Good times.
Bald & Tattooed has just locked Angry Guy into a room, too. He sure did take a long time playing buddy-buddy with him before locking him inside an admittedly pretty dark and disgusting room.
Dmitri is now being dramatically wheeled down the hall to surgery? X-Ray? Something?
Dmitri is being cut apart while alive, his organs harvested, but it manages to be cheesy, not frightening or even all that disgusting.
Angry Guy maybe took some drugs that aren't agreeing with him. He looks horrible.
Also, that's a fairly creepy scene where the body bag starts to breathe and unzip itself. Zombies?
Blondie, still alone by herself at the nurse's station, has now decided to answer the ringing phone. All she hears is weird noises and maybe someone whispering hello. So she goes exploring - as you do in a strange hospital - and finds a room where the patient is sitting on the bed and the phone is off the hook. Convenient, finding the room which must have phoned her, right? Yeah.
Once again, violence is fine, but a bare ass must be blurred. And by violence here, I mean guts and blood and all the internal organs falling all over her after she's tackled by a patient (not the patient on the bed) because as she's trying to push him off she instead claws open his chest. Again, as you do.
Then, when she runs away, one of the doctors or orderlies punches her in the face.
Emily just happens to be in a room with her New Doctor Friend's diplomas and awards.
Oh. Her dad died a month ago of bone cancer. That's part of why she's so stressed. The doctor seems pretty set on convincing her to go back to medical school. He's now trying to bond with her over having illness in the family. I wonder if he's going to use his wife's illness to explain his experiments in the hospital.
OH. So that's what this is. The doctor's looking for a new body for his wife. Either that or just her spinal fluid. Or some combination of both. Um, ew. He just drank the fluid he removed from her spine.
And now she's trying to trick the doctor - and succeeded, asking if he'd talked to Bobby's parents. He says he has. Now she's finally realized she's locked in, which I find weird, because you can hear the door locking after it's shut. At least she's trying to escape, using a tool to try to pop the lock.
So Blondie gets violently beat to death by a guy drinking Jack Daniels. Yeah, no shades of abuse here or anything. Oh, wait, she's not dead yet, I guess.
So basically the movie has gotten really, really boring, even though it involves Emily running around the hospital trying to save people and lots of blood and guts. I do love that she finds a cell phone and tries to call 911. Mercy's been closed for years, of course. It's also pretty bad ass when she stabs one of the orderlies, but she leaves her weapon behind when she does so and then stops running so the guy catches up.
The cops actually showed up to follow up on the 911 call.
It is creepy the way the cop is going to believe the hospital orderly because she has no ID and the orderly says she's a patient in the psychiatric ward. The cop is trying to figure out why the orderly looks familiar. Probably because he's a convict and you arrested him at some point.
HILARIOUSLY, Bald & Tattooed pushes a cart of body parts past the cop just as he's decided Emily is crazy. Of course, the cop dies then, but still, it was a genuinely funny moment.
I was right, Doc wants Emily to be the host for his wife. And he's going to operate to opera. Though, I'd recommend making her unconscious before you drill into her brain. I mean, the odds of her moving at the wrong time and you destroying things seems high, even with her being held still.
Lots of torture porn shots here as he drills into her head.
Hahahahahaha. His drill isn't working.
Emily, being the badass she is, manages to escape her cuffs and then beats one of the orderlies to death. Okay then. Maybe you should think about getting out of there, honey. Still, that was pretty awesome.
Angry Guy is still alive? Say what now? And he's run into the zombie version of Blondie? (Not necessarily an actual zombie.)
Don't wait for the elevator, idiot! You've used the stairs on three multiple times! GODDAMN. I hate that she's so smart sometimes and so dumb others. Though when they were momentarily distracted by Angry Guy walking past, she did manage to gut punch one of them and get away. That was nice.
Emily, SHUT UP! If Angry Guy - who is Jude, but I prefer Angry Guy - has locked you out and told you to run, that he'll be right behidn you, maybe you should run instead of yelling and letting the others know where you are.
AWESOME explosion! I love when people blow things up so their friends can get away. Not that Emily is actually getting away. She's still looking for Bobby, I guess. Run, Emily, run. Odds are good he's not in any shape to escape.
Oh, wow, she's gone to visit Doc's wife and her green tube of goo that keeps her alive. This is freaky.
Dude, Emily, unplug them and run. You idiot.
If she plans to try to find some way to use Doc's experiments to bring back Bobby, I'm going to be so pissed. Also, I'm not sure why all his internal organs need to be hanging from the ceiling like that. What exactly is the point of that, Doc?
Emily! Babe! He's already practically dead. Put him out of his misery and get the hell out of there! You can't save him and there's no guarantee everyone else is dead.
Emily turned off his machine! That kills him and Doc's wife. I'm proud of her. That had to be difficult.
However, you've fought this long to survive, maybe you should RUN.
Doc's wife is going to end up an actual zombie, isn't she?
Ha! I told you not everyone was dead! Hello, nurse! And instead of killing her, Emily cuts off her arm and tells her to bleed out. Though, you know, I wouldn't be surprised if she could bind that wound and not die.
JESUS FUCK EMILY DON'T SIT DOWN AND CRY! YOU'RE ALMOST FREE! GET OUT OF THERE!
Look, of course it's Doc's wife whispering for help. JUST GO.
Emily! You're pissed at Doc's wife because DOC was too in love and obsessed with her to let her die? Somehow I don't really see this as logical anger.
Why is Doc suddenly super strong and able to pin her to the wall? The scene where Emily is stabbing his face is hilarious, too, because you can tell she's not actually making contact but his face is slowly turning into red mush.
EMILY! Why the hell are you still sitting in the hospital? Surely there's a better place to sew up your wounds.
God, that was a shitty ending to a somewhat fun and terribly cheesy movie.
