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Recently I (and a lot of other people) made a post which was basically about this: Silence does not equal consent.
And then the author of the post that inspired a lot of our posts made this comment: Silence doesn't automatically equal non-consent, either, so people should use their words to communicate.
This was the comment I left in response: In this conversation, stemming as it does from sexual situations and the broad rape culture in which we live, this is bullshit. You want people to use their words and own their actions, why not put the responsibility on the people doing the actions to make sure they have clear consent first? My not saying anything doesn't mean you get to touch me or have sex in front of me or fuck me or any of a host of other activities.
I don't think I clearly said what I wanted to say. I'm not sure I can clearly say it, because at this point I am so mad (and so tired and worn down by stuff going on elsewhere in life) that I am losing my words.
Basically, I think what I want to say is this: The onus of obtaining consent is on each one of us. Instead of saying that oh, if she didn't speak up, I can act, we should say, oh, unless she specifically says yes to me, I can't act.
One point here is that yes, silence doesn't automatically equal anything. One point here is that without clear consent, you shouldn't be doing it.
---
I am also really, really tired of terms like "weak" and "strong" and the "strong" leading the "weak" into being able to stand up for themselves. And it really bothers me because I respect a lot of what these same people are saying about standing up for each other and consent, etc., but damn, people, we are not "showing them the way" or "propping them up until they can hold themselves up." (Also, I'm not actually intending to quote anything here, just trying to capture how some of the conversation sounds like to me.) Like, I think the people saying these things mean well, but it is rubbing me raw.
There's a post here that is saying some of the things I am thinking and one here that may be even closer to the words that are failing me.
And then the author of the post that inspired a lot of our posts made this comment: Silence doesn't automatically equal non-consent, either, so people should use their words to communicate.
This was the comment I left in response: In this conversation, stemming as it does from sexual situations and the broad rape culture in which we live, this is bullshit. You want people to use their words and own their actions, why not put the responsibility on the people doing the actions to make sure they have clear consent first? My not saying anything doesn't mean you get to touch me or have sex in front of me or fuck me or any of a host of other activities.
I don't think I clearly said what I wanted to say. I'm not sure I can clearly say it, because at this point I am so mad (and so tired and worn down by stuff going on elsewhere in life) that I am losing my words.
Basically, I think what I want to say is this: The onus of obtaining consent is on each one of us. Instead of saying that oh, if she didn't speak up, I can act, we should say, oh, unless she specifically says yes to me, I can't act.
One point here is that yes, silence doesn't automatically equal anything. One point here is that without clear consent, you shouldn't be doing it.
---
I am also really, really tired of terms like "weak" and "strong" and the "strong" leading the "weak" into being able to stand up for themselves. And it really bothers me because I respect a lot of what these same people are saying about standing up for each other and consent, etc., but damn, people, we are not "showing them the way" or "propping them up until they can hold themselves up." (Also, I'm not actually intending to quote anything here, just trying to capture how some of the conversation sounds like to me.) Like, I think the people saying these things mean well, but it is rubbing me raw.
There's a post here that is saying some of the things I am thinking and one here that may be even closer to the words that are failing me.
