Master Lists

December 2014 Talking Meme: Master List
Yuletide 2014 Retrospective: Stories Written 2005 - 2013
Yuletide 2018 Retrospective: Stories Written 2005 - 2017
Yuletide 2019 Retrospective: Stories Written 2005 - 2019
Yuletide 2020 Retrospective: Stories Written 2005 - 2020
2015 Countdown Meme: Master List
December 2015 Talking Meme: Master List
Ask Me Anything 2018 - 2020: Ask Here

About Me

December 2018 (public)
January 2017 (locked)
November 2014 (locked)
May 2010 (locked)
October 2008 (locked)
June 2008 (locked)
April 2008 (locked)

Things I'll Talk About Masterlist

Still some open topics, if you want to claim them.

2: Talk about your first kiss. pene chose this.

Technically, my first kiss was at four, on the bus to kindergarten, but the first kiss that actually counts, as in, the two involved parties were both old enough to know about kissing and consent to it, was junior high. He was a neighborhood boy, if you stretch the definition of neighborhood a bit (but, small town, lots of things could be considered in the neighborhood). It was New Year's Eve, a bunch of us had gone to a party and then left because it was boring, wandered the town in the dark. We kissed under the moon and the stars, and it was fun. We dated a bit, hooked up again awhile after that. One of my friends had a kid with him our senior year, and they got married a few years later. I see them around town sometimes; I still touch base with that old group of friends, even if we're not all that close.

Mostly, I remember the tension right before the kiss, the way my body tenses, my lungs burned, my throat grew tight. The good kind of tension, where your breath catches and you just know something is about to happen, something great.

I've had plenty of first kisses, but what I generally remember is the tension, the wanting, the build-up. The moments when we could have kissed, but didn't, right up until we finally did.

I love kissing.

( All 10 Days )

Day 7 - Four memories you won't forget

Oh, this is a tough one. I have terrible memory, especially if I don't write something done (to do lists, yeah, but also memories of things that have happened, conversations, important details about friendships, etc.). There are whole chunks of 2007 - 2014 I feel like I've lost because I wasn't blogging as much during grad school. (And also, crazy brain, particularly while I was in Michigan, and unmedicated, and pretty sure the sun was never going to return.) Plus memories come and go.

So, four memories I haven't forgotten at this moment, in no particular, but all of which are particularly vivid.

1. Standing in Mom's ICU room with my dad, J, and a couple of my siblings, watching the machines keep Mom alive. Watching the machines turn off, one by one, wires and buttons, plastic and electricity, metal bits, all these unimportant things, and each one, a piece of her gone. She breathed on her own, one last time, and the sound she made. It was like we could see her leave, and then there was just a body, and all those tears, and nothing. I'd been called home so many times over the years, said good-bye only to have her live. This was not that. This was the end.

2. I'm fourteen, and just stupid in love with J. His sister's friends are adults, like her, and they're in a band, and we're watching practice. We go for a walk at dusk, and after the sun has gone behind the trees, we stop. There's a rowboat for awhile, under the stars, water splashing, soaking the bottom of my jeans. The sky is deep, dark blue, all stars, no moon. We kiss, sitting on the hood of an old car, and the band covers Live's "Lightning Crashes".

3. It was late when I landed in Seattle, dark, and I was exhausted. Spring break, but I'd been interviewing with firms, had little rest. I wasn't stressed about the interview in Redmond, I already had an offer from my first choice firm, but I walked outside the airport, and the air was so crisp and cool. It felt different. My driver was quiet, left me in peace, and I couldn't stop staring at the trees, the mountains, the moon. I fell in love with the Seattle area that trip, and the summer I worked out there.

4. It's my first Wiscon, and I'm hanging out with friends I've either never met in person before or only get to rarely see. We're laughing, it's wonderful, we're having so much fun. The auction is ridiculous, hilarious, and I'm grinning at something one of my friends has said when I look up, across the room, and there's a woman. She's gorgeous, all dark shiny hair and such a nice grin and her outfit is casual sexy as hell, and she has a Faith tattoo. I recognize it even at a distance.

And then, after the auction, I'm walking with a friend, and the woman is right there, friendly and smiling and wonderful, and I can tell her how awesome her tattoo is, and how her outfit is very Faith, and -- wait. I know her. We spend the rest of the night talking and drinking. She ends up being one of my best friends, and such an important part of my life for many years.

That is the story of how I spotted nikitangel across a crowded room at a feminist convention without knowing it was her, even though we'd already become friends online. It makes me smile to this day.

( All 10 Days )

Day 5 - Six songs that you're addicted to

I think you can tell what sort of writing I'm doing these days based on what I'm listening to, but maybe I'm just so close to the project it's all I can see.

1. "Should've Known" by The Heroes Lie

I shoulda known you were a liar when I met you
I shoulda known you had a secret little double life
I shoulda know you were the devil flying undercover
I should have known you'd fit the part,
I should have know you were a star.

2. "Monster" by Imagine Dragons

If I told you what I was,
Would you turn your back on me?
And if I seem dangerous,
Would you be scared?
I get the feeling just because,
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
If this problem lies in me

3. "Bad Moon Rising" cover by Rosa Chance Well

I hear hurricanes a blowing.
I know the end is coming soon.
I can feel the rivers over flowing.
I hear the voice of rage and ruin.

4. "Lights Go Out" by Fozzy

When the lights go out & the mercury rises
Angels fall to the other side
Fear meets lust, just us colliding
When the lights go out, we own the night

5. "Radioactive" cover by Lindsey Stirling and Pentatonix

I'm waking up to ash and dust
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust
I'm breathing in the chemicals
I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus
This is it, the apocalypse

6. "Wolf Like Me" by TV on the Radio

Got a curse, I cannot lift
Shines when the sunset shifts
When the moon is round and full
Gotta bust that box, gotta gut that fish
We could jet in a stolen car
But I bet we wouldn't get too far
Before the transformation takes
And blood lust tanks and crave gets slaked

( All 10 Days )

Day 2: Nine Things You Do Everyday

It feels like cheating to list bodily functions (ex. breathing, bathroom, blinking), but I'm actually a little hard-pressed to come up with things I do every day right now. I'm sure there are nine things, it just doesn't seem like it at the beginning.

1. Doggy time. I take her outside multiple times a day (when the weather isn't so crappy, those include walks, but right now we're sticking to the backyard, because snow and ice and freezing weather. I hate winter), we cuddle, we play (generally tug of war and chase), I feed her, I change her water, and we cuddle again at bedtime. Lots and lots of doggy time every day. Obviously, since I'm not working, there are more hours during the day for doggy time, but even when I was working 12+ hour days, I did all those things with her, just condensed into a shorter period of time. She's a delight.

2. Game time. I have a hard time sleeping, and one of the ways I relax before bed is to play repetitive video games. My current favorite is Marvel Puzzle Quest, which is basically a color matching game that involves my favorite superheroes and villains, and is incredibly relaxing for my brain. I also really like Plants vs. Zombies 2, though it can get frustrating, which is not so useful for the relaxing.

3. Daily debrief. J and I sit down every day and talk a little about our days, my mental health, and what we need to do to deal with anything that has come up. It's in person right now, because not working led to me moving back to my hometown and moving in with him, but when we lived in separate places, we did this via phone calls, texts, and Google chat.

4. Reading. Of course I'm finishing more books right now because I have more time to read, but I always read a little bit of something, often when I go to bed, but sometimes just cuddling on the couch with the dog.

5. Listening. I used to listen to Stuff You Missed In History Class while getting ready for work and on the drive (approximately a half hour per episode was just about perfect) and then a longer podcast while walking the dog, but now I mostly listen while I'm cooking or cleaning (or dog walking, in better weather).

6. Drinking cold things. I drink a ton of iced tea and water every day. I've mostly cut out soda except for some meals out with friends, and I only drink hot drinks when I'm in a certain mood, but cold drinks. I love my tea and water just this side of frozen, with lots and lots of ice. The ice maker here can't keep up with me, it is sad.

7. Wear layers. Have I mentioned it is winter and cold and I hate winter? I wear layers a lot anyway, because I like light-weight clothes and J keeps the house too cool for me in the summer, but in the winter, I wear heavy jeans, heavy socks, and a couple layers of shirts just around the house.

8. Create something. Generally, there is at least a little writing (I have a daily writing goal that involves at least a sentence), but lately it also involves making some sort of food for the family and sometimes art or other practice projects.

9. Deal with bipolar. Every minute of every day, but especially right now, where part of dealing with it does not involve meds.

Well.

I'm alive, and pleased with my decision to come here, and content in this life. (I'm still surprised when I wake up and it's my life, but that will pass.) I do miss my flist very much, and fandom, but I'm glad I'm doing what I am. I hope to write some this weekend, to finish the xmmficathon and femgen stories before classes start on Tuesday.

So, people, what's new?

Three good things:

The tool which basically says, "Hey, people on your flist have these people on their flist and you don't so you should add them" which in my mind translates to, "Hey, these people are probably damn awesome, because the people who have them on their flists are damn awesome, so go for it!"

My younger sister made me a mix awhile back and I fell in love with a song off of it and I just heard that song on the radio for the first time. Awesome.

Playing with the boss's new puppy. He's a poodle cross with something I can't remember, and he's adorable. I want a new puppy.

Three bad things:

No time to properly use livejournal and leave comments and write thoughtful posts and even fic.

I can't remember the name of the song.

My vocabulary has shrunk until "awesome" is my favorite word today.

I have been so out of it because of real life problems that are slowly being dealt with and/or overcome. More or less. I think. But that's neither here nor there. I really enjoy reading about everyone's holiday challenges, and the problems they're having finishing the story, and the angst, because I love good angst, either in the story itself or from the writers as they try to write, but oh man, do I feel left out. I am working on a holiday story, but it's original, and there is only so much rambling you can do about a story set in an original series until it becomes pointless unless the people reading your rant have read the series and are familiar with why you're having the problems you have.

All this means is that I enjoyed writing the Ron drabble the other day, and I'm looking for more such inspirations/challenges to find my way back to fandom. Or at least the outskirts of fandom, because I don't know if I'll ever be able to be as active as I'd like to be.

So. If there is any topic you'd like to see written, let me know.